Back to Work

DemonSpawn

Date:
30/01/2005

Okay, I'm back once again. And firstly, apologies to all of our dedicated viewees who have no doubt been checking the site with increasing frustration each day / week, desperate for another dose of my manic cynicism and uniquely witty comments on life, the universe and everything.

(Pause for canned laughter)

The truth is that I was on the freeway one day, when I saw a really bright light. At first I thought it was a UFO. It was relatively disc-shaped, and growing in size as it approached.

Then I thought , no, don't be silly! This must be the coming of the Lord, the turning point of your life. The Saviour has come down to Earth at last, and you are the first one to witness this miracle, and to welcome him back. Hail, Morena! I was preparing to receive his blessing and become saved.

And then it hit my visor, and I realised it was just bird shit.

Actually, I have been on holiday for the last week. I switched off my cellphone and took a well-deserved break from the office, my social life, and the world in general. I read many books and drank lots of alcohol and smoked lots of cigarettes, (which I am supposed to have given up, I'm sad to say), and lived the life of the hedonist.

So now what? Back to work tomorrow. I feel that the time has come to divulge an important fact to you, my devoted audience, since I actually realised it the other day. Yesterday, I think. The fact is this: I hate work. I am possibly the laziest bastard anyone could hope to meet. I became aware of this fact when I realised that I only had one day of holiday left. I began to plan a rough letter of resignation in my head.

At which point I laughed and got another drink.

No matter how crap one's job is, it's always better to have one, I think.

I think the point of this post, from beginning to end, is the consideration of how a person can talk themselves into and out of shit in a matter of seconds. And I think the importance of that, is to learn to recognise shit, before it happens.

I think if I had learned that sooner, I wouldn't have all that white stuff to clean off my visor. It really was a load of shit.

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