Creationism? Hmmm...
DemonSpawn
Date:
12/12/2004
If I didn't know my history that well, I would be tempted to believe that most of America's population are descended from the offspring of the inmates of a lunatic asylum. 45% of the total mass of yanks believe in creationism, and take it as a scientific fact. They argue that evolutionism is only a theory, which has yet to be proved. While there is substantial evidence that the average American brain is still shiny new, never used and completely unevolved, this does not stand as proof that evolution did not happen to the rest of us.
Since there is currently a huge debate on whether or not creationism should be taught in American schools, I have decided that the best way to solve the issue, is to approach it from the creationist standpoint. The apparent proof that the Christian god created the Universe stems purely from this bit of written (and badly-translated and highly misinterpreted) stuff called the Bible. Now, people to a larger extent all over the world agree that the Bible was written by various guys a couple thousand years ago. It says that the Christian god created the world in seven days etc. etc. We've all been brainwashed to the point where we know the resting on the seventh day bit off by heart.
Now, that's great, if you like a good story. I like a good story, too. One of my favourite stories is also a bit of written stuff called the Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams. I really think the guy has some good ideas, just like the Bible. And much like the Christians believe about their Bible, those ideas shouldn't be ignored just because there is no way in hell they are factually or scientifically correct, true, provable, etc. etc. I mean, it was written really well, and has some excellent moral value, just like the Bible. I mean, people, let's be fair here. If you're going to give one book some unquestioning belief, in this day and age of political correctness, it would be discrimination not to give all of them the same unquestioning belief. Seeing that they were all written by human beings, guys mostly, who are all more or less fallible to the same extent.
So, now we are at the point where we have uncompromising belief in all books, there is an easy way to sort out the whole issue of teaching creationism in schools. You take the Bible, written as a record of a time in the past, which says all that stuff about there being nothing and then there was something, and you go, okay, yes, I believe it completely. It's a very good idea. Then you take the Hitchiker's Guide which is a record of a time in the future, which mentions a creature called the 'Babel fish'.
As an aside, to all of you who don't know what the Babel fish is, here's Adams' explanation:
“'The Babel fish ... is small, yellow and leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the Universe. It feeds on brainwave energy received not from its own carrier but from those around it. It absorbs all unconscious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of its carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining the conscious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centres of the brain which has supplied them. The practical upshot of all this is that if you stick a Babel fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language,'” (Pg 49-50).
Now, Adams mentions an idea in this section on the Babel fish which is relevant to this issue of creationism. You see, the Babel fish has been used to effectively disprove the existence of God. This is how Adams recalls the argument:
“'I refuse to prove that I exist,' says God,'for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.'
'But,' says Man, 'the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED'
Oh dear,' says God, 'I hadn't thought of that,' and promptly disappears in a puff of logic.” (Pg 50)
Personally, though, I think they're all crazy, and the only way they could top this latest display of sheer inbred redneck stupidity is to, oh I don't know, start teaching kids that the stork really does bring babies, or that HIV doesn't cause AIDS...
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