Mixed signals

DemonSpawn

Date:
29/01/2008

Well, I must apologise if I got all my South African readers all geared up for an "Other Fen" festival and then didn't deliver. I didn't mean to send mixed signals. You see, Jimi Hendrix came to me in a dream. I suppose after we spent all that time together in his Spanish Castle, (which is not in Spain, actually), he felt he could get quite familiar and just arrive unannounced. In any case, he was the one who suggested that I hold off on the "Other Fen" for a year to see which way the wind blew after last year's fiasco. And then to make plans afterwards. I thought that was a pretty nifty idea, and so after we had smoked some herb together and chatted about this killer riff I have for a blues number, he flew away on his purple dragonfly, and I woke up with the munchies and droogbek of note. But still a little wiser.

I was thinking about letting everyone know about the change of plans when I was driving around the other day, and then promptly forgot when I nearly got taken out by a woman driver. You see, due to our "unforeseen" (ha fuckin ha) electricity issues here in the Land of Sun, Fun  and Muggings, the robots at the intersection were all out, and people were just going whenever there was a gap. So, I stop at the intersection at the same time as this chick, who is turning across traffic in front of me. She flashes her brights at me and so I take that as a "you go first" sign, and I go. And she goes, too. So I stop. And she also stops. So I go, and she nearly rams her SUV straight through my pissy little Fiat Palio. (Don't ask me why I was in a car and not on Veronica - I will refuse to answer, and no, it has nothing to do with Jimi).

So I got to thinking, after that rather dodgy close encounter of the housewife variety, that we in SA should really come up with a clear, defined code, so that when people flash you, you know what they mean. It is one of Coolmac's pet hates, when someone flashes their brights at him. He freaks out and goes all twitchy in his one eyelid, and sometimes, there's even spittle, which is scary. I think, to help all of those people like Coolmac, and to save the lives of those people like me, we should use this code:

one short flash - you go first
one long flash - get the fuck out of the fast lane, moron
two short flashes - thank you
two long flashes - I SAID, get the fuck out of the fast lane you blind cuntmuppet
three short flashes - something up ahead, so slow down and look out for cows/ dogs/ an accident/ a speed trap
three long flashes - RAMMING SPEED!!!

Demonspawn out.

 
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