Toy Surprise

DemonSpawn

Date:
25/12/2007

I've noticed a vast trend towards the dumbing down of things, recently; not only locally, but all over the world. You know, I'm a great fan of Kinder Surprise chocolate eggs. The ones with the toys inside that you put together. Except in the last year or so, they changed the eggs, so that instead of a chocolate egg with a smaller plastic capsule inside, with unknown treasures and secret toy surprises hidden inside that, they now have a plastic egg-shape, half of which is this funky-dodgy white-and-milk-chocolate-sludge stuff, with two balls and a spoon. (Like they chopped off some unfortunate little black kid's goonies and served them with a bit of congealed jizz). And the other half contains a toy which can barely be considered to be a DIY challenge under any circumstances. Putting the thing together was half the fun! And the reason why they changed it to this sad substitute for what was really a novel and extremely cool way to enjoy being a kid? American kids had consistently choked on the toys hidden inside the eggs until they made it plastic and sealed with film. So basically, American kids, by and large, are too stupid and greedy to actually look at what they're eating. If it said "Kinder Surprise - chocolate egg WITH TOY INSIDE" on the wrapper, this went completely ignored by a large proportion of American brats, who went ahead and just forced the whole egg into their greedy gluttonous little gobs, without a moment's thought as to where the godsdamned toy was at.

I say let 'em choke. The world is already too full of people who want to eat the whole egg without considering the implication of where the toy is hidden. For example,  George Dubbya, who wants so badly to invade Iran. He wants that whole egg, but hasn't stopped to wonder where the toy is, if it isn't fairly evident from the outside. Let 'im choke. It would probably be better for the rest of the world if America was stopped in its (tactlessly and blunderingly) world-dominating tracks.

Similarly, Jacob Zuma wants to replace Thabo Mbeki as South Africa's President. Now there's a dumbing down exercise if I ever saw it! If Mbeki was the original Kinder Surprise, a clever chocolate egg with a really cool toy hidden inside, just waiting for the right time to come out, then Zuma is definitely the nod to all those greedy, thoughtless and selfish brats, wanting it all and now. He is certainly representative of a true democracy in action, being the lowest common denominator - the choice of the popular, uneducated, thoughtless, greedy masses. The sound-bite godling, who has captured millions with his little ditty "umshini wami", for this adored and revered. Where else in the world can you find a leader who openly shouts "bring me my machine gun"?

Oh, yes. In America.

Wait.

Aren't they the idiots who couldn't even eat a chocolate egg without cocking it up?


Oh yes. Happy commercial Christian excuse to give gifts and eat and drink to excess.

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