Writers' Rehab
DemonSpawn
Date:
12/01/2006
Well, I'm back after a short stay at the Writers' Rehab. It's the place where they give you lots of laxatives, to make you shit all the crappy ideas out. Unfortunately, this treatment only works for about a month for me, and then I'm full of shit all over again.
I personally blame it on the state of the world at present. There is so much wrong that sometimes the good rants go rancid while the fresh ones come out, leaving the other ones in for longer, during which time they become rotten, shitty rants, which, when they come out, are translated into rotten, shitty writing. It's all very sad. Especially for the writer, whose mind is being perforated slowly by all the old crap they want to write about but don't have time to.
Anyway, the Writers' Rehab also offers this optional treatment for writers too far gone to respond to the laxatives. They drill a hole into the back of the head, between the two halves of the brain, and sever the interconnecting tissues to drain all the crap out directly. This is known as a Writer's Lobotomy, and has had some very successful results. The only unfortunate side effect of the procedure is that the patients often tend to become political speechwriters or tabloid journalists, who feed off other peoples' crap because they can't make up any of their own. A fate worse than death, in my estimation!
Anyway, to all and sundry, have a good 2006. Try to keep your resolutions. I only have one, and that was a special request from Coolmac – try to lay off Christians and George Bush. I laughed. Coolmac gave me the Death Stare. So I said I would, unless otherwise provoked.
I have this horrible premonition that I may begin 2007 with a byline in People Magazine.
