Xmas and Satan and Chicks Being Soulless
DemonSpawn
Date:
20/12/2005
Well, I guess this explains why I feel absolutely fuck all for dissing Christians:
Landover Baptist Creation Scientist, Dr. Fred Neiman, announced findings related to his research into the female soul early this week. "The absence of either salvation or condemnation for women finds extensive support in the Word of God." He reported. "Jesus said that the sole reason God created women in the first place was to provide company and service to men (1 Corinthians 11:9), God determined that men would be lonely living alone, so he created women purely to keep men company and serve their needs (Genesis 2:18-22). Women are therefore completely subordinate to men (1 Corinthians 11:3). It stands to reason, though, that once men enter the Kingdom of Heaven, they will be one with God, and will no longer be lonely and in need of mortal companionship. Thus, the reason behind having women will no longer exist. Women, like the members of the animal kingdom, will fall by the wayside."
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0500/femsoul.html
I think it also explains a lot of other things, like why there are so many priests who practice (note the verb) to be homosexual: it's an obvious sign that when they get to Heaven, they're expecting to get lots and lots of anal ecstacy, (but I feel sorry for God, who has to settle for sloppy seconds...).
I guess that ruins the Christians' chances for credibility when it comes to denying couples the right to get married if they happen to be the same gender. It also shows a measure of masked jealousy, which, by the way, is supposed to be a deadly sin, (see your bible), but I suppose that's why it's masked in the first place.
You see, the problem that I have with this entirely chauvanistic and utterly unconstitutional (even by South African standards) view of the female gender, is the fact that men, aparently more innately 'good', have women as their servants, to bathe them, feed them, wash their feet, shave them with very sharp instruments... does that sound like something a God would put in place? I mean, if I was thought of or treated like an animal, (and most animals aren't treated as well as ours, lets face it), I would probably rip out the guy's throat at the first opportunity. So, doesn't that say something about the relative intelligence of the Christian God? Considering the claim that men were made in his image, and that men wrote his big novel for him, don't you think that God is just about as fallible as George W Bush? Oh no, hold on... that must mean George W Bush is God. Well, fuck it! That's pretty much the end to civilisation as we know it. I mean, if 45% of Americans already agree, then the rest of the thinking world is about as safe as a kitten with a spring-loaded pineapple aimed at its ass.
Which brings me to my theory about the Anti-Christ. Most people think it's someone who will be born with the spirit of the Devil inside of him. Now, since Christians invented the concept of the Anti-Christ, I think it's relatively safe to assume that whatever comes out of whatever hole that bears the dude, (and it has to be a dude, because he's the opposite of good, therefore evil, and thus must have a soul), must be part of the Christian faith. They said he would conquer from within the ranks, and I guess our generations have lived to see the day. What better wolf to dress up than one who looks like a sheep, talks like a sheep, walks like a sheep, and is just about as illiterate as a sheep. Baaaah... that was Satan-speak for “George Bush, welcome to your promised land”.
Ps – landoverbaptist: for all of you cretins and / or drunken idiots like me out there who think that landoverbaptist is real, it's not. It's just a joke site ripping Christians off better than I could ever possibly do. Bravo, encore, etcetera, etcetera.
One more thing – for the sake of knowledge, which the world is pretty thin on at the moment, (so take this bit – it's free), Christmas is actually a bastardised version of the Solstice celebration, appropriated many, many years ago by the assholes who wanted to turn the locals to their way of thinking. It's not the real date, and it's not, therefore, a valid celebration. It's now really just a chance for businesses and churches all over the world to make money. And in the Southern hemisphere, if they really wanted to get it right, and not just give away the fact that they're all sheep (yes, baaaah), they would be celebrating it in June.
So upsetting when commercialism isn't done right... Sell chocolate hearts, sell fireworks, sell red kitch disco baubles to hang on a tree, but do it at the right time of the year, for fuck's sake!
