Ode to the Cigarette
Date:
07/05/2008
There is such a drive to force people to stop smoking. I remember when we were all kids in primary school and they used to tell us, "Don't give in to peer pressure! Just say no!"
Now days, they're saying, give in to peer pressure - stop smoking! As if smoking was the only way a person would ever shuffle off this mortal whatever...
Let us count the ways people destroy their bodies.
Women, firstly, inject and annoint themselves with all sorts of interesting chemicals to tighten, lift, shrink, smoothe and lighten what they like to think of as their features, these days. And that's without all the invasive surgery to increase, decrease, stretch, tuck and suck all of the other things they don't want to think of as their features. And when you dare to criticise, you are "questioning their femininity; their right to be beautiful". They pluck, wax, shave, straighten, lighten, darken, blowdry and shape their hair, and force their bodies into the most interestingly tortuous devices (have you seen the shoes on these chicks?) known to humankind, and bear the pain and deformity it causes, all in the name of beauty. And this is legal. This is socially acceptable.
Men, on the other hand, go for the greasy burgers, the beer, the chips and salt and chocolate pudding, the wine, the whisky, the coca-cola and the pizza, in quantities. They drop dead from heart attacks or strokes on golf courses, in restaurants, boardrooms, restrooms, whilst shagging their mistresses, and giving blowjobs to young boys in grimy toilets of dodgy singles' clubs. And that is if they're lucky. Sometimes, those clogged arteries manage to hold on for a little while longer, while the guy sits in a semi-vegetative state in some nursing home for another ten years before he finally croaks it - just another shitty nappy to change. And this is legal. This is socially acceptable.
And let's not foget about all those sins committed before they bite it big. Guy gets drunk, goes home, beats the hell out of his wife and kids. Cliche? Yes. Know how it became a cliche? It happened all the time. So often that people stopped going *gasp* oh my, and instead went, yeah well, come up with something more original. Sad? Yes. True? Every time. Causes death? Hell, yeah. And yet, this is legal and socially acceptable.
And yet.
And yet.
And yet.
They still go on about getting people to quit smoking. Why? Because they just don't have any other whipping boys stashed in the dungeon, that's why.
I reckon, smoking is a personal choice. Don't give me that secondary smoking bullshit. If that was such a concern, they would concentrate more on all the other chemical pollutants in the air, which are far worse than secondary smoke. And fuck the bureaucrats who insist that it is a "sin" tax they put on cigarettes. Let them be honest and say, "Yes, we are jumping on the bandwagon, and yes, we want to make some extra cash for our Christmas bonus". In fact, let's all be honest and just agree that all the laws about smoking are, in fact, tripping just this side of the line that divides legislation for the good of citizens from legislation that infringes on a citizen's rights, and discriminates against citizens who smoke.
I say, if you want to smoke, then do it, and do it with integrity; do it with intent. Don't let people cow you into walking with the flock. Light up, dammit. There really is nothing more relaxing. And I never heard of a guy beating his wife to death after one too many Camels. Smoke that cigarette, and if someone gives you grief, this is what you say:
MY BODY, MY CHOICE!!!
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